May 8th, 2006

Dance

Unmanly

And now part 2: The 5 least manly things in history.

6) Hiding Your Feelings

I know what you're thinking. Aren't men not supposed to show feelings? Well that, my friend, is a blatant lie. It's just that we only have one feeling: RAGE!!! And what kind of man you would you be if you didn't let your RAGE!!! show through at every conceivable moment? Is the waiter two minutes late with your steak? Shout your RAGE!!! at his sub-minimum wage ass and don't tip. Did some jackass cut you off in traffic? Punch your wife in the face. This is called communicating.

5) Salad

Let's be clear here: men eat meat. We eat a lot of meat. We don't eat anything but meat. Some men may claim to be vegetarians but they're lying. Check their pad thai; there's a big honkin' steak under all those bean sprouts. So we understand? Men do not eat salad. Unless it's preceeded by the word "taco." And even then they fire a cow into the Sun just so the meal isn't a waste.

4) Lesbians

What can I say about this? Nothing Seth MacFarlane didn't say better. You know what the problem with lesbians is? If you've got two women having sex, who has the penis? Now I know some men are going to point out how hot lesbians are, but the fact is they don't do you any good. Real men have threesomes.

3) Speedos

Oh fuck this shit! They look like panties, you have to shave your legs, and gay male models from Germany wear them. It's manly to have a schlong, not to make other men look at it. Put on a frickin' bathing suit and stop wearing shorts that make you look like you're in Cirque de Soleil. "It's hauntingly beautiful..." Yes that was a Simpsons reference. Simpsons references are very manly.

2) Gary Coleman



Need I say more. That woman is not doing him any good.

1) Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxx

I can't even share this one with you. My penis might just turn inside out from even thinking about it.
Dance

Beloit

I have to go down to Beloit to pick up my cap and gown. This means I'm driving two hours, round trip, for ten minutes' worth of activity. If anyone would like to get together and hang out for a little while buzz my cell. (608) 354-4274.
Dance

Curiosity Meme

From sister_bluebird

So tell me, am I crushable?

Comments are screened. If you've ever had a smidge of a crush on me, feel free to comment below. I won't mock you, and only you and I will ever know. Then post this in your own LJ and see who might be crushing on you.