December 20th, 2005



I packed today. There are few things in life I hate more than moving, though the task has gotten significantly easier since I discovered how much easier paper bags are to work with than boxes.I don't need a physical act to make me take stock of my life.

I'm not sure how to say goodbye to people here. We hug and I try to plant the moment in my mind and hold it there but I know it won't. It reminds me of after breaking up with someone you still care for trying to remember the feel of their kisses. I'm afraid I will remember the idea of the moment, the idea of the person but the true memory will be lost. How do you say goodbye to someone you've spent four years with? How do you say goodbye to someone you wish you could spend four years with? How do you do it when you don't even know what goodbye means? Will I be seeing my friends here every week or only rarely?

What does tomorrow bring?

Not literally of course. I know what December 20 brings: in fourteen hours I will leave Beloit, my home for the past four and a half years, to return to a place that used to be a home to go to a place that may one day be home but isn't yet. I'm not scared - I passed that months ago - but I am confused. I have no home. Do I still have a family?

Tonight I watched Harold and Kumar, and Serenity with people. It was the most common sort of night in BSFFA but it was my last such night. Why is sitting in a hot, smelly lounge so wonderful?

Why is everyone here so wonderful?

I love you all very much.


From abmann

The Darth Meme game.
Take a word that starts with IN, chop that off and put "Darth" in front.
Insidious = Darth Sidious.
Invader = Darth Vader
Inmaul.. er.. Darth Maul...

I hereby claim Darth Nsmouth. Rhymes with Sith. Go read your Lovecraft.

Edit: Here are some more.

Darth Termission
Darth Terlude
Darth Augural Ball
Darth Valid
Darth Bred
Darth Terrior Bleeding
Darth Trepid
Darth Quisition
Darth Quisitive
Darth Dy
Darth Grate
Darth Dubitable
Darth Somnia
Darth Ebriated

I think that's enough for now.